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Suzanne Emmons
 I grew up frightened, ashamed, and feeling unbearably worthless. I
had an alcoholic father, a mother who tried to take her own life,
and a neighbor who molested me repeatedly. At a young age I discovered
drugs
would numb the pain—so I used every drug I could get my hands
on. At 17, I left home and moved to Venice, CA where my future husband
and I hung out with an outlaw motorcycle club called the Straight
Satans. After three years of horrifying events, he committed suicide.
I had one disastrous relationship after another. I lived with a
man who was later convicted of raping women at knifepoint -- the
newspapers quoted the judge’s description of him as “a
vile and despicable person who should be locked up for as long
as possible.” Then I lived with another man who beat me and
tried to kill me. Every time I went through another experience
of physical or emotional abuse, all the past hurts would come crashing
down on me. I suffered from severe depression and extreme anxiety.
I was emotionally crippled and full of self-hatred. The drugs and
alcohol were controlling my life. It was overwhelming. I was helpless
and without hope. I didn’t understand how God could allow
a person to go through so much in one lifetime. It would have been
better if I had never been born . . . Then one day someone took a chance and invited me to church. I
heard a message about God’s incredible love and forgiveness,
but I couldn’t accept that it was for someone like me. I
was sure I was beyond redemption. They said that Jesus would take
me just as I was and change me from the inside. They did an “alter
call”. Fearfully, I walked forward. Then, a miracle happened.
I surrendered to Him. Two weeks later, I realized I had not used
any drugs and flushed all I had left down the toilet. Seventeen
years of drug abuse was suddenly over—Jesus had healed me. To have gone two full weeks without even noticing that I hadn't used
was unthinkable. HE, Himself, filled my every waking moment and for
those two weeks NOTHING else mattered! To say that I experienced an
extremely powerful conversion is an understatement! There is no way
to describe it other than to say my world went from black, white, and
gray to amazingly brilliant color.
My new life in Christ wasn’t easy. I knew Jesus was my only
hope and I asked for His help daily. The Bible became the most
exciting book I had ever read. Every line felt like a personal
message from God, just for me. I held on to those scriptures and
promises to get me through the hard times. I visited women in prison
and was surprised to find a tremendous love for them in my heart.
Amazingly, I felt God speak through me, letting them know that
they, too, could have a changed life because Jesus died to pay
the price to reconcile us to God, our loving Father! I worked hard
at my church, still believing that I had to somehow earn God’s
love and acceptance. But He patiently showed me that I could never
do enough -- that His overflowing love was given to me freely --
and reminded me that His acceptance of me, in spite of my sin,
was because His Son gave His own life for mine. God brought a kind and compassionate man into my life. He became
my best friend and eventually we married. We are deeply committed
to each other and to God, and now belong to a church called The
Live Ride where we are surrounded with people who have similar
amazing stories to tell. I no longer question why I was born.
Instead, I praise God for His wisdom and compassion and rejoice
in the plans
He has for me. And so, if given a choice, I would not change
any part of my life, even if I could. God is using it all for good.
My brief suffering can never compare to what my Lord did for
me
on the cross. Neither can my years of pain compare to an eternity
in His presence or the knowledge that I will one day stand before
Him in all His glory and hear Him say, “Well done . . . enter
into the joy of your Lord!” |
